In my Toronto therapy practice I have heard many people say this. Change can be very difficult and frightening. I speak to them about real change as opposed to cosmetic change.
Real Change Happens on a Deep Level – Many people come to me to make a change in their lives. For example they look at their depression symptoms or alcoholic addiction as their problem or disease. However, the real problem is pain: childhood pain, the pain of life, traumatic pain, relationships and everything that can hurt a person. In order to contact these a person needs to go to a deeper level. This can be frightening and difficult.
Real Change Can Feel Like a Loss of Self – When a person goes to the deeper level of their selves they often begin to question their identity. On the one hand this is good. They need to challenge the beliefs about themselves. Especially since these beliefs produce their depression issues, their negative relationships or their alcohol problems. On the other hand it threatens their sense of self. Our sense of self is what we believe about our selves. Even if this belief is negative, it provides us with a stable sense of self. Change threatens this stability.
Real Change Takes Time – Of course we want change to happen at once. But it’s not like the doctor who gives you the pill etc that (hopefully) fixes you. It can’t happen that way in most cases of personal change.
Our beings consist of many layers that go right back to our beginnings. Therefore, uncovering these layers can be a difficult and slow process. And it is difficult to have the patience and fortitude to do this.
Nevertheless It’s Worth It!
I realize that I have not provided a great advertisement for the type of therapy I believe in. However, as complex beings we require a process of change that connects to the depth of who we are. This process is not about technology, pharmacology or any type of purely modern approach. It is essentially age old and, in many ways mysterious. But it works!