It’s All Your Fault

 

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In my Toronto therapy practice I want to help people.  They suffer with chronic depression, anxiety issues, relationship problems and addiction struggles to name a few. 

Some people make positive changes. Others are unable. What makes the difference? Two things create success or failure. These are 1/ Dealing with Anger issues 2/ Assuming Responsibility

Anger Issues

Most people experience anger. Anger is necessary. It helps us defend ourselves. It can provide vital information. It can be used positively or negatively. Negatively, chronic anger prevents growth. It is a shield that defends. It acts like a drug that provides  relief. It works temporarily. We appear strong. However, we increase our fear and anxiety. We look outside not inside. Chronic anger prevents us from looking inside. It therefore prevents growth.

Positive anger informs us. It asks questions. What lies beneath the anger? What is the anger defending? It reveals unresolved issues. It reveals grief, depression issues, acute shame, childhood abuse, and other hidden pain. Growth begins at this point.

Assuming Responsibility

“They did this to me”. I hear this from people. They are often right. Someone hurt them. What do they do with this hurt? Do they nurse this hurt? Do they make themselves a victim? Do they hurt others? Both attitudes deny hurt. Denial prevents healing. I am hurt. This is the first step. 

You take the second step when you assume responsibility.  You move from powerless to power. You are no longer a victim. You attend to your wounds. You become conscious. You heal. You start to use ‘I’ rather than ‘they’. I am hurt, I need to take action. I practice self care. I expand my consciousness. I stop hurting others. I become aware – what is good for me, what is not good. 

Moving Forward

If you suffer from depression issues, face your depression. Who hurt you? How did they hurt you? How did it affect you? You take power this way. If you need to, get help. Examine your relationships, past and present. Look at your self esteem. Be kind to yourself. 

Therapy works when people let go of anger and take responsibility for their lives. They act upon life rather than life acting upon them. They become creative with life. They see possibilities. They imagine other ways. They turn from hate and despair to love and hope. In these ways growth within therapy works.