Relationships

Positive relationships are essential to well being, whether they be colleagues, friends or intimate partners. Many people have difficulty managing healthy relationships. They often lack trust in others and themselves. We all require healthy relationships. However, many of my clients are have experienced unhealthy relationships, with intimates and friends. Unhealthy relationships are related to depression symptoms, anxiety symptoms anger issues problems with stress management.

The Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

1/ Unresolved differences – an inability to resolve differences

2/ Blaming one another for problems

3/ Poor Communication – not enough, not clear, one sided, not listening

4/ Dishonesty, having to hide the truth from oneself and the other, not being oneself

5/ Anger dominates, enjoyment becomes less

6/ Not having good times, having more bad times

7/ Not liking the other person – love is not enough

8/ Unkindness within the relationship

9/ Domination/Submission

10/Staying together for the sake of security, need or habit not desire – the relationship is stale

The Signs of a Healthy Relationship

1/ The ability to deal with disagreements – how to compromise within limits

2/ Each person taking responsibility for problems

3/ Good communication, clear, ongoing, enjoyable, mutual

4/ Honesty – not trying to fool yourself or the other person

5/ Anger happens, but is dealt with constructively

6/ The good times are clearly more than the bad times

7/ Truly liking the other person

8/ Mutual kindness

9/ Equality, a balance of power

10/ Staying together in a relationship that flourishes, continues to give happiness, where both people grow in similar directions.

How I Can Help You With Your Relationships

• First of all I will help you examine how well you relate to yourself. If you are unhappy you will often have unhealthy relationships
• We will look at your relationship history with family, friends and others
• Your relationship models – did your parents model healthy relationship
• We will examine your present relationships
• I will help you learn how to take responsibility for your part
• I will help you with anger issues and how to constructively disagree

Codependency

Codependency is characterized as a dysfunctional relationship where one person relies on their partner to fill all of their emotional and psychological needs. It is powerful and addictive and often destructive.

What are the Signs of a Codependent Relationship

1/ One person is doing all the work of the relationship

2/ A giver and taker – one person gives and the other takes

3/ There is an addiction that is focused on

4/ One person focuses themselves entirely on the other, and gives up themselves

5/ One person’s mood dominates the relationship

6/ There are control issues – one person is trying to control the behaviour of the other

7/ There is very little real communication – often it revolves around complaints and pleas for attention

8/ There is a great deal of dishonesty – neither speaks the truth 

9/ Feelings of anger, frustration and hurt dominate

10/ Arguments are avoided – when they do happen they tend to be destructive rather than constructive

Are You Codependent?

1/ Do you feel like a lack of sense of self?

2/ Do you centre your sense of self and your life around the needs of others?

3/ Do you ignore your needs and feelings? Or are you even aware of them?

4/ Do you come from a family where there was addiction and codependency?

5/ Do you have an extreme need for approval and recognition?

6/ Do you tend to have relationships with troubled people so you can take care of them?

7/ Do you have a fear of abandonment?

8/ Do you have a strong need to control others?

9/ Do you have a fear of being honest and asserting yourself?

10/ Do you have feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness?

How I Treat Codependency

I can help you understand why you have this type of behaviour by examining the roots of your codependent relationships throughout your history, particularly your family history. I will show you the false beliefs that underlie codependent behaviour and why you have come to use codependency, particularly as a protection. I will also give you ways to focus on and understand yourself better so that you can feel a sense of healthy independence. Finally, I will help you create new and positive behaviours that can make your relationships more rewarding.