In my work as a Toronto therapist I have met many victims of narcissists. They are children, mates, employees, or friends of narcissists. They bear the scars: depression symptoms, anxiety attacks, self-esteem struggles and anger issues, to name a few. What is a narcissist and how do they inflict their wounds on others?
Defining a Narcissist
1/ The world revolves around them. They see everything in terms of themselves – how it will help or hurt them.
2/ They can’t empathize with other people.
3/ They have a grandiose and idealized sense of themselves. They are always right and never wrong. However, underneath there is great insecurity and shame.
4/ They manipulate and use others.
5/ They put down and hurt others in order to make themselves feel better.
6/ They have anger issues. The feel the world is out to get them and they’re angry about it.
7/ They are controlling. Other people are not separate from them, they are extensions, therefore they must control them.
8/ Because they can’t see people as separate, they violate their boundaries. They demand all the space.
9/ They are rarely happy and cannot be at peace. The deep hole inside them can only be filled temporarily.
10/ They are often charismatic. They want to draw other people in and make them ‘followers’.
What Victims of Narcissists Need to Realize
1/ You are not guilty. Narcissists constantly accuse others. Those close to them will often feel a sense of guilt. Children of narcissists feel a deep guilt
2/ You are not crazy. Narcissists will deny your thoughts and feelings. If you disagree with them, you are wrong. If you are angry at them you are bad.
3/ Your problems with self esteem are the result of the constant attacks of the narcissist.
4/ You are a separate person with your own boundaries.
5/ The world can be a safe and good place. Narcissists are very negative and paint a negative picture of life that can infect you.
6/ You have rights. Narcissists take away the rights of others.
7/ You must be kind to yourself. Narcissists are abusive and make others feel like they deserve abuse.
9/ You are worthwhile. Narcissists attack a person’s self worth
10/ You are can recover and lead a good life. Narcissists often disable other people to the extent they can feel unable to ever have any kind of positive or worthwhile life.
How I Can Help You to Get Your Life Back From a Narcissist
Narcissists steal other people’s lives. They are emotionally insatiable. As a result of a relationship with a narcissist many of my clients have emotional scars that include anxiety attacks, signs of depression, anger issues, unhealthy relationships. These are often more pronounced with children of narcissists, where the relationship is much deeper.
Nevertheless, healing begins with understanding. In my Toronto therapy practice I help people understand how the narcissist harmed them. In addition, I help them see who they truly are and what they truly can be.